Day 4

Many things have passed through my mind in these last couple of days, most thoughts are questions. Why am I doing this? What's so wrong with what I love doing? What's to gain? I'm doing this because my family asked me to, there's nothing too wrong with trying to listen to what they're saying, so I have to keep going. Nothing's wrong with what I love doing, it's all about what you're okay with, so it's a principle of morality. If I find nothing wrong with smoking weed, that's my opinion, therefor I have reason and logic to back up why I smoke and that's nobody's business but my own. Now, when I ask myself the question "What's to gain (by not smoking)?" I come up with nothing. I try to say that it's for insight into why I do things the way I do, but I feel as though that's somebody else's words coming out of my mouth. I don't believe there's anything to gain, seeing as how truth has already been laid down and that I have no issue with being a stoner. This is where things get difficult. At first, I thought "Well, it's for my family." and that was good enough. Upon further reflection, I've realized that I can't sit there and believe that what I'm doing is right, because maybe it isn't. This is all just a test to see if pot is right for me and if I already know the answer, then what am I doing here? Self-conflicted and riddled with questions that I know I won't get straight answers to, my mind is a mess. I wouldn't recommend pot to everyone, but it's always worked for me. Grudgingly, I press on.