Saturday, August 18, 2012
Day 5
Irritability is usually something I've been able to mask or hide pretty well simply to avoid conflict, but lately, little things just drive me up the wall and I seriously believe that rage will be the end of me. I would normally let the small problems go and and turn my attention to the issues that actually require my time, now every little thing ticks me off something real. I don't know if it's because I'm not high all the time, but it's definitely due to the fact that I know that I won't be high later to remedy the stress, no matter how small. I've been pissed at four different things this morning alone and it's only 8:21. This is the best shit in the world, bravo. I can't wait for the school year to start in two weeks, that will really make this situation fucking awesome. As you can tell, I'm on edge. I'm this close to throwing a tomahawk through something made of glass with an estimated value of over $400. What they've asked me to do is abandon everything I've known for the past two years. It's just hard to really live any differently and be happy at the same time, it feels like I'm betraying myself for my family. I'm going against my strictest beliefs for their happiness. Oh, they better love me.
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Welcome to the club...I was irritated about something by 6:30 AM, that very same morning.
ReplyDeleteI think where you are possibly astray is that "self" is "family", you, yourself are part of the family. That being said, when the family needs something or asks you of something, the "you" part sometimes has to be put on hold. That is if the family has a track record of giving when you ask or have need of it.
Yes the family has asked you to put aside something that has been everything you've known for the past two years, something which causes them much distress, out of respect for the family, yourself included, who has been there for 17 years and will be there for the rest of their lives and hopefully in your memories for the rest of yours.